Start by stealing oranges, as many as you can. Sell them to at $1 per orange to Barnard girls, also the elderly. 14 oranges at $1 per orange = $14 = the cost of a dining hall meal - steal more than this after each swipe and you'll be in pure profit.
As a bonus, oranges with pink ribbons can be sold at a "special price" of $3 as "Breast Cancer Oranges." The term "Breast Cancer Oranges" is highly vague, is up to anyone's interpretation, and does not directly imply donations to any sort of breast cancer related organization.
2) Investment of orange theft related windfall profits:
*N.B. American and Canadian quarters both work in laundry machines in America, presumably the same applies in Canada. Furthermore, recent changes in the economy have decreased the value of the American quarter to below that of the Canadian quarter.
Thus, withdraw all orange profit money from checking account in American quarters (this should be at least $10000US). Hitchhike to Montreal. Seek out connections to the notorious Canadian underground black market laundry service industry (*hint: look for a man with an eyepatch and a scar on his left cheek named Édouard). Use American quarters in Canadian laundry machines to reduce costs to below what your competitors could afford. Establish yourself as a prominent, ruthless, bloodthirsty, and influential figure on the scene. Eliminate all competition - soon, you'll be running the biggest underground laundry service in the eastern provinces. Watch your back. Cash flow should be upwards of $200,000CN per week. As an added incentive for customers, include a complimentary (stolen) orange with orders of more than 20lbs. Also, as another added incentive, make an example of any customer who tries to go legit.
3) Return to the United States two years later with profits which should exceed $20,000,000CN. Given the failing American economy, retain profits in Canadian currency until such time as they can be converted into gold.
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